Inuyasha Fables:Things RTakahashi never included
by shishiEMPIRE
Summary: What! I was extremely...odd. still am matter of fact. aniwho, this is all the things RT never included. from that baby question to miroku's first hamburger. enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

Inuyasha Fables: The Things Rumiko Takahashi never included.

Hi everyone. We generally see our beloved stars at their best but what about those really embarassing, hilarious, odd, crazy, psycho, outakes

this collection of Fables is co-written with a bunch of people you probably would think is really scary.

Which is very true

enjoy.


	2. How Sessychan got that smexy moon on his...

Why Sesshomaru has that Purple Moon on his Face

If I owned inuyasha, I would hate earthquakes.

Once upon a time in the land of Inu-daddy's basement, the two brothers Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were inhaling sharpies. Suddenly, while Sesshomaru was sniffing a grape flavored sharpie (which are rather strong), he fainted, and left the sharpies in Inuyasha's hands.

Inuyasha, being an annoying younger brother, uncapped the magenta sharpie and drew all over Sesshomaru's face. Then, slowly and carefully, he unclasped Sesshomaru's hand and took out the grape sharpie, and drew the purple moon.

Sesshomaru awoke with a mirror in front of his face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY BEAUTIFUL COMPLEXTION!"

He tried in vain to wash the marker from his face, but, as we know, sharpies are permanent. He was so upset that he vowed to kill Inuyasha (that half-demon thing was just a convenient excuse).

And that, my friends, is how Sesshomaru got his magenta eyeshadow and purple moon.


	3. Why inuyasha NEVER appears on talkshows ...

Why Inuyasha Never appears on TalkShows anymore.

The Orange Talkshow

(With Inuyasha)

Chikara: HOORAY! WELCOME TO….THE ORANGE TALKSHOW!

Shizuka: Joy…..

Kokoro: Oh god….the "Orange Talkshow"….

Mitsuki: Lighten up guys….

Chikara: AAAAAAAAAAND…TODAY WE'RE GONNA TALK TO NONE OTHER PERSON…THAAAAAAAAN…YOUR FAVORTIE HANYOU…INUYASHAAAAAAAAA!

audience claps

Inuyasha: enters

audience claps some more…and more…and more…

Shizuka: ….takes out katanas SHUT UP!

audience stops clapping

Kokoro-.-U uh ok….anyway…turns to Inuyasha Now….

Inuyasha: Feh…what the hell am I doing here anyway?

Mitsuki: We're interviewing you! Now tell us about yourself please!

Inuyasha: …….-.- No.

Chikara: YES U WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Or else…PUDGE WILL EAT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Inuyasha: O.o uh..ok ok ok…

Shizuka: This is so stupid……

Kokoro: ahem Now Inuyasha….how old are you?

Inuyasha: 17

Shizuka: Liar.

Inuyasha: NANI! grabs Shizuka's shirt YOU WANT TO SAY THAT AGAIN!

Mitsuki: Your not 17 Inuyasha…

Chikara: MORE LIKE 67!

Inuyasha-.- shut up.

Kokoro: AHEM ok…back to the subject…now Inuyasha…do u like anyone?

Inuyasha: blushes N-NO!

Kokoro: covers ears ok ok! Don't yell!

Inuyasha: I DON'T LIKE ANYOOOOOONE!

Shizuka: Liar.

Inuyasha: glare .

Mitsuki: You so like someone…

Chikara: MORE LIKE TWO!

Inuyasha: SHUT UP!

Chikara: AAAAAAAAAND…GUESS WHO THEY ARE!

Shizuka: …Kagome

Chikara: DING DING DING DING!

Mitsuki: Don't forget Kikyo.

Audience: GASP PLAYER! INUYASHA IS A PLAYER!

Inuyasha: SHUT UP!

Kokoro: shoots out her beam of magic QUIET!

whole studio gets quiet

Kokoro: Thank you! Now…on with the show…Inuyasha…do you have any favorite food or foods?

Inuyasha: Ramen. Ramen all the way!

Kokoro: uh..ok..-.-U next question….

Chikara: I WANNA ASK A QUESTION!

Kokoro: fine fine fine….then everyone else has to also.

Chikara: OK!

Shizuka: ….

Mitsuki: alright I guess….

Chikara: ME FIRST!

Kokoro: FINE.

Chikara: INUYASHAAAAAAAAA!

Inuyasha: O.oU yea?

Chikara: DO YOU KNOW….THE MUFFIN MAN?

Inuyasha: The muffin man?

Chikara: THE MUFFIN MAN

Inuyasha: The muffin man?

Chikara: YES. THE ONE THAT LIVES ON BERRY LANE.

Inuyasha: uh…no…

Chikara: GASP HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN! THE HORROR! THE HORROR! starts to set things on fire NOW…YOU WILL PAY FOR NOT KNOWING THE MUFFIN MAN!

Inuyasha: sinks into his chair e-eep…..

Kokoro: KARA!

Shizuka: hits Chikara with her katana

Chikara: swilry eyes oooo…oranges….

Kokoro: sigh Shizzy…you ask the next question…

Shizuka: Ugh…do I have to?

Kokoro: Yes you have to.

Shizuka: fine..uh…Inuyasha..

Inuyasha: yes?

Shizuka: Can I have your ears?

Inuyasha: my…ears…?

Shizuka: yea…your ears…takes out katanas and walks over to him hold still now…

Inuyasha: O.OU AHHHHHHHHHH! GET AWAY!

Shizuka: mwhahahaha….gets ready to strike….

Mitsuki: WHAM! hits Shizzy with a textbook

Shizuka: falls over with swilry eyes orororororororo….

Kokoro: eh…ahem are you alright Inuyasha?

Inuyasha: breathes hard do…I…look…like….I'm alright….!

Kokoro: uh…no…ok…Suki…you ask….your question…

Mitsuki: Ok! Inuyasha…

Inuyasha: y-yea…? thinks please don't hurt me…please don't hurt me…

Mitsuki: What is….2 plus 2?

Inuyasha: Wut?

Mitsuki: 2…plus….2!

Inuyasha: What the hell is that!

Mitsuki: ….ladies and gentlemen….isn't he bright?

Audience: laughs

Inuyasha: ….-.- DIE SUKI!

Mitsuki: AIEEEEEEEEEE!

Kokoro: shoots out another beam of magic at Inuyasha

Inuyasha: falls owowowowowowow!

Kokoro: sigh Am I the only sane one here?

Shizuka: wakes up wut….?

Kokoro: O.oU never mind….

Chikara: wakes up What happened? sees Inuyasha on the floor OOOOOOOO! LETS KICK HIM!

Inuyasha: hears that WHAAAAAAAT! gets up and starts to run away AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Chikara runs after him

Mitsuki runs after Chikara to make sure she doesn't kill Inuyasha

Kokoro runs after Mitsuki to make sure she doesn't get killed by both Inuyasha and Chikara

Shizuka: O.o

Audience: IS THAT IT!

Shizuka: Uh….

Audience: starts to get mad WE PAID GOOD MONEY TO SEE THIS!

Shizuka: Uh…please stay tuned…cuz…uh…we'll be having a commercial break! Audience: OK!

Shizuka: sweatdrops O.o I'm outta away

Everyone else comes back

Kokoro: Oro? Where's Shizzy?

Mitsuki: looks around Dunno…

Chikara: OH WELL! WE GOT INUYASHA!

Inuyasha: ducted tape to the floor HEY! GET THIS STUFF OFF!

Chikara and Mitsuki get busy taping Inuyasha with more duct tape

Shizuka comes running back being chased by staff members for hacking up their equipment

Kokoro: sweatdrop Bye everyone! Tune in next time for the interview with Kagome!

to be continued

WHAT! I was high...>.> dont blame meh...


	4. Sesshomarusama, how are babies made? mua...

I own a Inuyasha as much as I own a car.

**Sesshomaru-sama, How are babies made?**

Rin and Shippo had suddenly stopped screaming. It was odd without their high chirpy annoying voices of " Sesshomaru-sama" or " Ohhh! I can help! Fox Fi—GYAHHHHHHHHHH" In any case, the expected happiness from their eardrums did not come. Rather, it was unnerving.

When they stopped whispering Rin giggled and ran back up to the group.

" Sesshomaru-sama"

" What is it Rin."

" I - I mean, We wanted to know how are babies made"

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks

" Eh"

Shippo stared wide eyed up at them " Don't tell me you don't know"

Inuyasha glared at him " Of course I know, shut up."

Miroku grinned at Sango, she gave him a warning look, rolled her eyes, and went to walk next to Kagome where he wouldn't see her blushing.

Rin tapped her foot impatiently " Well"

Sesshomaru remained silent, but in his mind he was thrashing around for an answer

_Dammit where is that stupid wind wench_ ( there sophie. Happy? More Kagura bashing?) _when you need her_

Sesshomaru sighed. " Okay. Well a man and woman have to uh— connect."

Rin's face grew confused " Connect"

Sesshomaru half chided himself and half congratualated himself " Yes Rin, connect."

" So...could you and I connect"

Sesshomaru jumped " Uhhh...no Rin...they have to be uhh—very good friends."

" Sesshomaru-sama doesn't want to be Rin's good friend"

" No of course I do Rin, it's just that it's a different type of good friend." Sesshomaru fought for words.

Rin's face cleared up " Oh! Okay! Can we be a different type of good friends."

" No Rin."

Rin sighed " Rin doesn't understand. Can Sesshomaru-sama demonstrate"

Sesshomaru looked around and stopped himself sharply. He did not want to make it seem as if he needed help on such petty matters. However Inuyasha saw him look around.

Inuyasha took it the wrong way. He glared at Sesshomaru and growled. " Touch her, and die."

Kagome glared at Inuyasha " What are you talking about! Why are you so protective! I'm not like property or anything...hmm"

Inuyasha glared at her back " Shut up."

"Sit."

Miroku meanwhile stared hopefully at Sango.

" No way houshi."

Sesshomaru stared at Rin again " Nobody knows, Rin, it's one of the great mysteries of life."

"Oh."

The End.

_Muahahhaha...that was fun._


	5. Selling Aids

This is yet another episode of our really really odd and screwed up series. Finally I've updated with the impossible: Selling Aids. And if I've offended anybody, I'm really sorry, but I can't help it. I'm retarded. So if you don't like it, just...ignore it.

We picked the three most emotionless characters, as they could relate to salespeople SO WELL. And they barely ever smile, whenever they do, they smile creepily. Enjoy

Kikyo stepped up and her face nearly covered the screen. " Hey punk, buy aids." She retreated. Nearby in the back round, Naraku stumbled on screen

" Yeah, because...ummm...uh.." he began to drool "duuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh..."

Kikyo sighed and glanced at him " Freakin' loser." Sesshomaru entered, and him, being how he is, had the answer to everything

" Because they are punk and in style"

Naraku's eyes popped opened and he laughed "riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..." he mysteriosly started to scratch himself."

Kikyo began to jump up and down "you do wanna be punk and in style, right? right! you don't! what the beeeeeeeeep is wrong with you?"

A child ran away, covering his ears while screaming.

" You have to buy them! Don't you wanna get high? kratos's special aids do many things: it always kills rats and small children." Sesshomaru explained, he refrained from showing any sign of excitement so as to not over exert himself.

Naraku was now in a fit of scratching and twitching. "don't" scratch " you want "twitch twitch "coke bugs?" scratch "thats the" scratch "best part!" scartch "im" twitch scartch "having the" twtitch "time of my" scartch "life!" scratch scratch scratch scratch twitch scratch scratch scratch.

Kikyo then struck a fob pose. "Also, if you use these special aids, you men can become womanly!"

Sesshomaru was suddenly super imposed on the screen. " Wow! What a great deal. I mean! Seriously, look at me! I've got fangirls!"

Naraku was now lying on the ground so as to scratch himself better. "I" twitch "be" scratch "womanly!" scratch scratch scratch scratch

Kikyo smiled and called " You can change from this!" she held up a picture of Goshinki. "to this!" She held up another picture of Menomaru."Men can be womanrific! Yaaaay!"

Naraku smiled and hugged the picture " Wow!" twitch " That's amazing!" scratch twitch

And Sesshomaru, being the right one as always, spoke up "thats not amazing, its hott."

Kikyo smiled and nodded and Sesshomaru " and can you guess what woman turn into!" She paused for the audience to answer.

"you're right!"

Sesshomaru nodded in agreement " good for you!"

Naraku twitched one of his last " buy aids..." scratch " today!"

Elevator music comes on and Kikyo and Sesshomaru ball room dance while Naraku lays on the floor bleeding to death from the scrathing until the commercial ends.

LN: yeah. I'm really weird.


	6. The New Toy

LN. Hahah hey! I'm back! This is another stupid thing that has absolutely nothing to do with Inuyasha other than the names of them. Aaanyways, I did this as a prompt for a contest, and I really really want to win! BLAH!

Your toddler has found him/herself a new playtoy. One you don't approve of. At all. What toy have they discovered? How do you convince your child that perhaps this isn't the best thing for a baby to be playing with?

I, Sango, rolled over on the bed, shoving my face into the pillow, my head throbbing. Headache. Turning over again, I placed my hand on my forehead, feeling for a temperature. Please, please, please? I drew it back, then put it back on, then drew it back again. "No such luck." I guess work was still my agenda for today. I looked upwards, trying to buy some time before I had to get up and get dressed, brush, floss, comb, shower. Blegh. Hey look. The ceiling. What a pretty ceiling. I bet it was a ceiling before I was born! Wow. That? one professional and persevering ceiling. Haha. Personification. Which is also a 'P' word. I shook my head, disturbed at myself. "Wow. I need to talk to the bloody psychiatrist again." A squeal of delight alerted me to the toddler sitting on the bed next to me. Holding?

A condom.

"Where did you get that?" _and where the hell did your father put that so you found it?_ I asked, sitting up suddenly, then falling back into the depths of my bed, as I had the sensation of my brain knocking against the front of my skull. "Oooh. My head. Urgh. Ooh. Ow."

The child made no notion to answer, he just rolled over and cooed with excitement. Grabbing the both ends of the condom, he stretched it way out, then shoved it back to normal proportions.

I sighed. Just my luck. I turned over again, trying to ignore the entire thing. The baby. The condom. The headache.

I was in my bedroom. (No, I was doing nothing involving a condom. I was just sleeping. ALONE. THANKYOUVERYMUCH.) The bedroom was the only place in the apartment that was not a wreck after last night. That is, it was locked, so my drunken friends couldn't trash it and a certain sleazeball (MIROKU- you jerk.) couldn't get back in till tomorrow. A simple bed, a chair and table and chest of drawers were the room? only adornments, but I never thought it needed much. The walls were still waiting to be painted (I was trying to find a contractor to do it, but I was running out of options, so I figured I would just bribe some of my neighbors to help me with it) so they were still a hideous shade of puke-green. I sat up and stared at the child, clucking my tongue in a matter-of-fact way. He was going to have to give it up. And I knew that giving it up would mean lots of crying and boo-hooing. The radio was on, I closed my eyes and leaned back against the bed post, letting the noise wash over me in waves for a short moment, then opened my eyes and stared dead straight at the little monstrosity I had created. "Here. Give it to mommy. I lunged over to grab it from the little monster's clutches saying, "You don't need that until your older. And even then you're not getting any. ABSTAIN."

"Mine!" He rolled over, and clambered off the bed, falling to the floor with an "oomph". Crawling extremely fast for something that still wet his diapers, he scampered towards the exit of the bedroom, gurgling nonsense words to himself, like "orange" and "no want".

"This is not a good day." I decided as I chased after him, finally scooping him up as he ran into the door. "You don't want to play with that. It's Yucky. Yucky. It's like balloons. Remember, we don't like balloons. Especially after you sat on that one and I had to take you to the doctor to get it surgically removed. Why are you looking at me that way? STOP LOOKING AT ME THAT WAY! I KNOW WE'RE BLOOD RELATED BUT GOOD GOD! YOU'RE TWO! And holding a condom. Where's that blasted psychiatrist's number?" I reached over and yanked on the protective rubber tubie. "Hey, listen. You don't want that. As I said. It's for grown ups." I yanked again, causing the child to roll over on his stomach and squeal with delight. "No, no, no, no, no. That's not a happy thing. It's a yucky thing. Say it with me. 'yuuuuucky'. 'Yuuuuuuuuuucky'. Come on."

"Toy!" He said, rolling over onto his back and kicking voraciously with his feet. "Toy! Toy, toy, toy!" He repeated himself over again as the radio suddenly screamed out a Toys R Us jingle.

"No it's not a toy." I said, throwing my pillow over the radio. The jingle was getting exceedingly annoying. "Well, yeah, I guess if you think about it that could be a toy. But it's not a toy for you. It's a toy for mommy. Yes. Right. Not for you. Now let go." I reached over and gave a solid yank with my left hand, as my right was trapped underneath his buttocks.

The toddler wouldn't give. So I eventually just let go, frustrated. Why me? Why me? Why can't the blasted psychiatrist have these problems with his damn kids? WHY? WHY! Just who gave that to you? He pointed at my chest of drawers, cooing ecstatically. Frowning, I opened the lowest cabinet and peered in. "Ah. Well. You weren't supposed to find those. 

"Tell me!" He exclaimed, tugging back the condom and holding it to his chest like his first born son. Which was ironic, because if he had a condom, he wasn't gonna get a son. But his pituitary gland was still dormant, so maybe it didn't matter.

"Fine." I said, even though he probably had no idea as to what he was saying, or what I was saying, or if either of us knew what the other was saying, we wouldn't be in this situation, because what we had was a failure to communicate. Yes. Exactly. "Okay. When a mommy and daddy love each other very much and there's nothing good on TV and like, they're horny? I stopped. This was not the way to tell a two-year-old the facts of life. "OKAY! Well, after they talk about it for a while, they call the magical princess who controls all the storks in the land." Storks? Good God, falling back to the old stand-by for mothers of America who need to find an excuse to their kids of how the hell they got there?"And he gives them each a bag of magical baby supplies! They take the bag in their beaks and give it to a mommy and daddy who want to have babies. Inside the bag is a seed and a little tadpole and a small metal hand to put the baby into the mommy's belly." I winced. Gee. I am one crappy storyteller. Why couldn't Miroku be here with his innate ability to make stuff up? With a sudden burst of inspiration, I grabbed open another drawer and pulled out a back scratcher. "See? I still have it. Now yeah, the little tadpole eats the seed and turns into a little tiny baby. The daddy puts the baby in his p-- little metal hand and puts it in the mommy's belly. After nine months, the baby pops out through the belly button. Right. Okay. So. How much of that did you understand?" I looked at him hopefully. Maybe this wasn't such a bad thing after all! Maybe we had really connected, and we were destined to have a strong mother-son relationship! Maybe.

A squeal of delight told me that he hadn't understood a thing, he just listened to me blab on about tadpoles and back scratchers. "Oh well you suck." I said disgustedly. Sitting back down on the bed. "Maybe you'd enjoy a bloody cucumber to go with it." (This is a regional joke, so you probably won't get it. It's about the How-To-Put-A-Condom-On-A-Cucumber-Health-Video they want to show in the high schools in my area. But it's funny! It really is! ) He just blinked at me and started chewing on the condom. "No, stop that. You have no idea how people will think I'm raising you if you do that in public."

He didn't listen; instead, he squirmed away from me and ran underneath another pillow, squealing with delight and engaging in conversations with inanimate objects.

I moaned. My headache was getting worse, and I thought I was getting hot flashes. This was not the condition I wanted to argue in. Feeling a dull pain in my abdomen, I realized why I felt so wasted, even though I hadn't drank at all the night before. Suddenly, the room spun out of control, and I ran out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom, trying to keep the bile that rose in my throat at bay long enough to poise myself over the toilet, a rug jumping to life underneath my feet and sailing off as I went, propelled by the force of my feet hitting the floor. _No wonder I was using bloody so much in my conversations this morning._ I thought feebly, when I had finished throwing up, and performing my feminine hygiene duties. I hung over the toilet for a moment, thinking how cool it was in the bathroom compared to the rest of the apartment. Why was PMS so violent for me? I flushed the toilet and washed my face, reveling in getting some of the grit out from around my nose. Feeling rather refreshed and in all around about 70 percent normal instead of 10 percent functional, which was a welcome improvement. Struck by an idea that should have come before, I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed an item wrapped in green crinkly plastic, before heading back into the hall and falling forward into the bedroom, where my living headache was waiting for me.  
I stared at him for a minute, and then said, "Alright. You and I are going to have to start compromising sooner or later, and I'd rather start now than waiting a good solid decade to when you're going to be sneaking out to buy said item." I pointed to the condom. "So here. Let's trade." I waved a menstrual napkin in front of the child's face. "See the pretty green plastic wrapping? See how it crinkles? See how fun it is?" I crooned, watching with inner relief as the toddler slowly adverted his gaze from the condom, to the napkin. "Why don't we give that to mommy? I snatched up the condom in one swift action and dropped the napkin in front of the child. "There we go. Now if anybody comes in and sees you playing with that, they won't have any problems, as I am female and I can explain a napkin, but not necessarily a condom." Grinning, I shoved the condom in my pocket and fell back onto the bed. "Hey. This isn't half bad. You know what, kiddo? Mommy is very happy. Want to know why?" He stared blankly. "Well, you probably don't care, but, Mommy is happy because she got that icky yucky gross toy away from you, she doesn't have to call the psychiatrist because the psychotic feelings and the anxiety and the fact that I wanted to kill the pizza delivery guy the other day were all just PMS and, most importantly? I let my grin grow absolutely predatory and pulled the covers over my feet. "I'll call in today and say that since I have severe menstrual cramps, I can't go to work today. Hahaha." Looking over towards my son, I placed my hand on his head and played with his hair affectionately. "See? Everything turned out okay. And I thought I was going crazy. Isn't Mommy silly? Silly, silly." I turned over to face him, and pulled him closer to me. "Well. At least something bad didn't happen because of that blasted condom."

"Dondom! Dondom! Condom!"

"Shit. Just shit."

So there it is. Tell me what you think. xP


End file.
